the smiling lady

I always thought it was so very important to have friends. That the value of having a friend, that...

Mon, 20 May 2013 18:13:50 -0400

I always thought it was so very important to have friends. That the value of having a friend, that their value as a person outweighed their faults, those little things that made you cringe.

Then I spent five days on a trip with my “friend” and realized that there are some things that absolutely negate whatever value a person might have as a friend. I realized that I don’t need someone in my life where I’m holding my tongue more often than not, where every other sentence out of their mouth goes completely against my most deeply held beliefs. I don’t need a friend who makes me feel like I’m worth less than I am.

(In reference to my grandma saying that she’d refinanced for a 30 year mortgage and my cousin bringing up that she wasn’t expecting to live another 30 years to which my grandma replied “of course”)

He says: I thought it was weird how your cousin said your grandma wouldn’t live another 30 years. It’s bizarre how your family idolizes death.

I don’t say: It’s unreal to expect my 80 year old grandmother to live to be 120. We all know this and there’s no point in pretending otherwise. The fact that my family recognizes death as a part of every person’s life isn’t idolization. Between my aunt’s 20-year-long battle with cancer, my grandfathers prolonged and painful death from Parkinson’s and terrible dementia, and my parents’ and my work in healthcare, we have all seen just how terrible and painful death can be. Just because we value quality of life over quantity, because we have no desire to inflict greater pain upon ourselves or our family, does not mean we seek death. Knowledge of how rarely CPR works makes a DNR sensible, not foolhardy. You’ve never had to stand by and watch as someone dies, slowly and terribly, and the only thing you can do is hold their hand. You’ve never had to do this twenty times over. You only show your ignorance by your words.

I say: nothing

He says: That’s so gay. That’s the gayest ______ I’ve ever seen. I’d rather give myself AIDS than ______.

I don’t say: You’re sustaining the culture that makes kids feel like they’re wrong, unnatural. Your casual use of those words creates an atmosphere so poisonous that kids feel like suicide is better than living in it. You’re trivializing the experience of countless people suffering from a terrible illness. You make me feel like less of a person with your words.

I say: Don’t use those words. I know you think it’s funny but, really, it’s not.

He says: What? It’s a treatable chronic disease. I’d rather give myself AIDS than _____. I mean it (I know he doesn’t). It’s cute how hard you try to be liberal and progressive.

I don’t say: You have no idea just how wrong you are. I try to be liberal and progressive because I don’t appreciate people taking away my social and reproductive rights. I oppose republicans because the fact that I can be fired from my job because of who I love is more important than fiscal conservatism. You think it’s cute because you’ve never had to debate putting an equality sticker on your car for fear of vandalism.

I say: nothing

He says: You’re too young, you don’t understand that some policies are meant to be broken.

I don’t say: When you’ve stood there, trying to keep a patient from bleeding out because a doctor didn’t follow protocol, tell me that some are made to be broken.

I say: nothing

I used to think that it was okay to excuse his behavior because he was my friend. Now I realize that there is no excuse. I don’t deserve to be ignored and put down like that. I am a smart, independent, multi-faceted woman and I deserve recognition of that by the people I choose to have in my life. So I choose not to have him in mine any longer.

Sometimes the value of the end is greater than the friendship.

nevver: I was hungry Every day ever. Apologies?

Wed, 01 May 2013 11:58:29 -0400

nevver:

I was hungry

Every day ever. Apologies?

WHEN I TRY TO SLEEP DURING THE DAY BUT MY NEIGHBOR FIRES UP HIS LAWNMOWER

Wed, 01 May 2013 11:48:25 -0400

whatshouldwecallnursing:

You mean EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE EVER?!?!?!?!?!

While swing dancing last night, I got hit in the face by my partner (accidentally). Then he told me...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 03:20:54 -0400

While swing dancing last night, I got hit in the face by my partner (accidentally). Then he told me he worked for the Tea Party. Fucking insult to injury.

Read this now: "Yes, I Really Am Bisexual. Deal With It."

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 02:56:09 -0400

Read this now: "Yes, I Really Am Bisexual. Deal With It.":

gaywrites:

Sometimes, the New York Times’ Modern Love hits it out of the park. This is one of those times.

In this column, writer Wilson Diehl chronicles the process of telling new partners that she’s bisexual and dealing with their many mixed reactions. Some say it’s a phase, some say it’s hot, and everything in between comes up too. She tells them early on in new relationships, sometimes worried they’ll be “scared off.”

Diehl is married to a man now, but she says she does everything she can not to erase her bisexuality (sometimes in a humorous way):

In our little family, Jared is more or less the sole breadwinner, and I’m usually at home making sure our two children don’t stick their diminutive flatware in the outlets — which is to say, our roles aren’t just hetero-normative but old-school hetero-normative.

Is it strange that I call myself bisexual even though he and I have been married for four years and I haven’t so much as held hands with a woman in seven or eight? Is it reasonable for me to claim queerness when I’ve benefited so much from heterosexual privilege: shared health insurance, uncomplicated baby-making, implicit legal guardianship, inarguable life insurance beneficiaries, a federally recognized union?

Strange or not, reasonable or not, it is what I am. And because my bi-ness seldom has occasion to come up organically, I intermittently bring it up apropos of nothing. “I can’t pick a restaurant — I’m bisexual,” I’ll say. Or “I’m wearing jeans and a skirt today because, you know, I’m bisexual.”

Speaking as a fellow bi girl, though I’m not married, I have a hard time finding really great writing about what it’s like to be bi and dating someone, no matter that person’s gender. This column does a wonderful job, and I’m going to hold onto it. What did you think?

This is a really fantastic article about some of the struggles of being a bisexual woman (or man). Too often, we’re ignored or forced to pretend (either by ourselves or someone else) to be something we’re not.

That moment when you know it’s a terrible idea but you do it anyways.

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 06:54:17 -0400

That moment when you know it’s a terrible idea but you do it anyways.

"Of course I’m in favor of marriage equality. Same-sex couples should have the same rights as anybody..."

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 07:18:41 -0400

““Of course I’m in favor of marriage equality. Same-sex couples should have the same rights as anybody else. There is no argument against equality. How can anyone argue against compassion and understanding?””

- Andrew Garfield. Yesssss. (via The Times of London)

The bookshelf that my wonderful father built #booklove

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:44:38 -0400

The bookshelf that my wonderful father built #booklove

When you see it, REBLOG IT.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 16:42:20 -0400

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

If you ever want to talk: My Tumblr ask is always open.

Wow... 1.4 million notes. You all rock! -Trevor Project

Peer interviews... in Virginia

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:56:48 -0400

RN 1: Wait, we can't ask their sex? That's stupid. I'm pretty sure we can tell if its a man or a woman sitting in front of us.
Me: No, it means that you can't ask someone their sex or gender because their presenting gender might not be their genetic sex. And it's illegal to ask.
RN 1: ....okay.... I guess that makes sense....
(And at the end of the interview)
RN 2: So are you married?
Me: *head on table*

"Fuckin endings, man, they weren’t as easy as they looked."

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 03:08:11 -0400

“Fuckin endings, man, they weren’t as easy as they looked.”

- Elmore Leonard, from Get Shorty (via the-final-sentence)

"I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 02:55:45 -0400

“I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

- William Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

"Since the world has existed, there has been injustice. But it is one world, the more so as it..."

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 21:36:25 -0400

“Since the world has existed, there has been injustice. But it is one world, the more so as it becomes smaller, more accessible. There is just no question that there is more obligation that those who have should give to those who have nothing.”

- Audrey Hepburn

"Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if you’re ugly on the..."

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 21:34:28 -0400

“Make-up can only make you look pretty on the outside but it doesn’t help if you’re ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the make-up.”

- Audrey Hepburn

"If I get married, I want to be very married."

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 21:32:57 -0400

“If I get married, I want to be very married.”

- Audrey Hepburn

your-snowflake: cherrispryte: Fred McFeely Rogers (March 20,...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 21:20:04 -0400

your-snowflake:

cherrispryte:

Fred McFeely Rogers (March 20, 1928 – February 27, 2003)

Oh. Sobbing. Okay.

why am i actually crying at this

Mr. Rogers made an “It Gets Better” video before it was cool.

gaywrites: Stand with Edie Windsor. Bring down DOMA.

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 14:02:52 -0400

gaywrites:

Stand with Edie Windsor. Bring down DOMA.

freedomtomarry: We Stand with Edie. Reblog this image if you...

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 13:57:59 -0400

freedomtomarry:

We Stand with Edie. Reblog this image if you do, too!

I stand with Edie.

Wearing red for equality!

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:35:26 -0400

Wearing red for equality!

fishingboatproceeds: mydrunkkitchen: I could not love John...

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 16:01:07 -0400

fishingboatproceeds:

mydrunkkitchen:

I could not love John Green any more.

I could not love Hannah Hart any more.

(This is a video I made last year discussing marriage equality.)

John Green, you are a marvelous human being.